Completely Unexpected Secret Admirer
by doodlebutt
Summary: Katie Bell's getting notes from a secret admirer!  Includes some cursing, I don't know enough to summarize it well, Twins are as funny as ever, and also that handsome Scottish rogue Oliver Wood. ON HOLD BECAUSE I DON"T LIKE IT
1. Stalkerish Letters

**Disclaimer-It's all JK Rowlings.**

Completely Unexpected Secret Admirer

Chapter 1- Stalkerish Letters

I was eating breakfast, toast, when the mail came. I had several letters from my parents, but one from an unfamiliar owl. _It's probably a school owl, _I thought. Curious to who might send me an unmarked letter, I ripped it open. Before lowering my gaze to the paper, I noticed Hogwart's resident Scottish hottie, Oliver Wood, and my crazy Quidditch Captain, was staring at me. I was confused to why he was looking at me, until I logically deduced that I probably had crumbs on my chin. I reached for my napkin and wiped around my mouth before reading the letter.

_Dear Katie,_

_I stare at you every day. That may sound weird, but I am not alone. Many other boys have glued their eyes to you too. While I agree you are the most beautiful girl in Hogwarts, I do not like you just for that reason. You are an excellent chaser, and I watch you when you are not looking. You have a wonderfully nice, kind personality. This letter may sound very stalkerish, but trust me, I am not a stalker. I enjoy lady fingers, and I am man enough to admit it. (**AN-Lady Fingers are some sort of pastry, that look like, well, Lady fingers)**_

_-Your Secret Admirer_

The Weasley Twins were across the table giggling about something.

"What are you two giggling about?" I said crossly. I was PMS-ing and anything or anyone that looked like it was having fun and not feeling like total crap was chewed out by yours truly.

It didn't help matters that I had gotten a note from a Secret Admirer.

I mean, honestly? Who would like me? I was average in height with dirty blonde hair. Granted, I actually had boobs (compared to the very flat-chested and anorexic Pansy Parkinson. On the subject of Pansy, her parents must really hate her to name her something horrid and something she _definitely _did not resemble) and I inherited my mother's killer legs and stormy blue eyes. Oliver literally murdered us with all his Quidditch practices, so I suspect my arse was in fine shape also.

So I guess I didn't get the short end of the stick.

But I haven't had a boyfriend in a year, after Oliver had beat up Roger Davies asking me out.

Oliver was crazy.

He said that it was unacceptable that I was ah, _fraternizing with the enemy. _

But I digress. Back to Fred and George's ability to never have children again.

"I see she got it," said George.

"Got what? You guys aren't referring to my period are you? Because if you are, I will remove and suffocate your manly parts with Professor Dumbledore's long white beard and _make you watch."_

They cowered behing Ange and Licia as I smiled beatifically at them. God, I loved mornings.

I walked to Potions, and all of a sudden Oliver ran up to me.

I ignored him because he needed tough love. I mean, girls and those special guys everywhere (except for me, Licia, and Ange) slobbered over him so much he practically had to wipe their drool off with one of those ShamWows.

I watch too much muggle TV, don't sue. Wait, nobody here knows what sue means.

Back to Oliver. He was running up to me, and said, "Katie Bell." Wanting to tease him, I put my hand near my ear and said, "Whatcha say, Captain?"

"KATIE BELL!" he screamed.

I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my giggles. All around me were girls giving me murderous looks for having Oliver Wood screaming my name.

Well, it wasn't in a bedroom but-Eww! Bad mental images! Bad Katie! Stop thinking dirty thoughts!

I was thinking all of that in about 3 seconds, and my face went from smiley to this totally grossed out face. Yeah, I was at that point in my mind.

Oliver seemed confused by my sudden change in expression, but he pressed on and declared, "Quidditch practice tonight at 7. Be there or you will be punished."

Now, Oliver never specified the punishment, but we were all scared of our psycho captain.

Aha! Now I know why the psych wards in prison are always popular, they were preparing themselves for Oliver, the crazy Quidditch nutter he was.

I nodded in agreement, even though it went in one ear and out the other.

After putting his "I'm a scary Quidditch captain, don't fuck with me" expression for his little rant, he looked a little ashamed. I was surprised that THE Oliver Wood, the macho nacho, was nervous.

I was even more surprised at what he said next: "Can I walk you to Potions?"

**AN- I'm sorry this is so short! I kind of have to think of the plot, and since this is my first story, it will likely be in 5-10 chapters. However, I will be sticking to Oneshots for a time. Please Review, It would make my day, and I'll get the next part up soon! I just wanted to know if you wanted it to be a M rating or more of a T. I write better in M, however, because I include humorous cussing. Just a heads up. Maybe I could use some pointers ? REVIEW!**


	2. Fred and George would be proud

Chapter 2

I was shocked. Surprised. Absolutely flabbergasted. But there, in front of me, was THE Oliver Wood, nervously running his hands through his hair as he waited for my response.

"Um..sure.."I croaked out.

Oliver was actually acknowledging me outside of Quidditch practice?

"okay then, let's be on our way." He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, actually looking excited.

"Wait...wait. Something's wrong." The happy expression faded into a nervous grimace.

I slowly circled him, and then I grabbed his tie and yanked it so his face lowered to mine. I heard a sharp intake of breath. I know what you are thinking you sick puppies. I was checking his neckline for a seam, because that would mean he was wearing a mask, because someone had obviously kidnapped Oliver Wood.

Well, there was no mask. So I fired off questions instead. They could be using Polyjuice Potion.

"What's your favorite jam?" He answered strawberry.

"What was your broom's first name?" "Celestina," He replied.

"What girl do you like?" at this, he blushed and muttered something unintelligible, staring down at his feet so intensely he probably didn't need to clip his toenails for another year.

"Wow, I thought your straightforward answer would be Quidditch," I exclaimed.

"Who is it, Ollie? Who? You can tell your best friend, can you?" I continued this while he walked me, stony-faced, to Potions.

"Is she pretty? Is she nice? Have you kissed her? Are you cheating on her by having a sordid affair with your broom? What color are her eyes?" I pressed obsessively.

"Yes, yes, no, absolutely not! Eyes like the ocean on a rainy day...whazzat? I'm corny huh? Well I could just not tell you...?"

"OhMyGod no, Ollie, I'm sorry, you're not corny, you have big Quidditch muscles and you're really scary!"

He stopped, because we were in front of the dungeon door. He leaned down to me, and brushed some of my bangs out of my face. "Kates," he whispered huskily, then left.

I felt lightheaded; dizzy. His warm breath had washed over my face and lingered there with a smell of cinnamon and honey.

Potions was thankfully boring, with not much to concentrate on, so I passed the time by thinking about Oliver. I remembered his husky brogue, that many girls fawned over.

At Quidditch he had once taken off his shirt because of the heat; there were so many girls at the pitch that day it was like an audience at a concert.

Thinking of his rock hard, muscley abs covered in sweat made me blush. Damn, I was behaving like one of Wood's fangirls.

But, I thought, they don't have him walking them to potions do they?

After Potions (I was secretly passing notes with Alicia the whole time so she was informed about the "Oliver Incident", now referred to as OI, and I made a bet with Licia to see if he would walk me to History of Magic, my next class. She bet a galleon he would and I bet 10 sickles he wouldn't. Yeah, I know, I'm cheap.) I was walking out the door when Oliver popped out of nowhere and said, "Can I walk you to History of Magic?"

"Damn boy, you have my whole schedule down! How many years have you been stalking me?" I joked.

Again, he blushed furiously and offered me his arm, like a true gentleman. Alicia smirked at me and said, "a galleon, don't forget," before being swept away by George Weasley.

I made a face at her retreating back and Oliver looked at me funnily. "Never mind, let's go," I said, accepting his arm, with a bunch of girls following us.

So, the whole day he walked to my every class. I actually enjoyed the not quidditch conversations, and he turned out to be a very interesting, very HOT, Scottish man. He sat with me at dinner even.

The whole day he had been acting very mysterious.

I mean, in a lifetime, a hot Scot starts flirting with you nonstop, and what do you do? I have no freaking idea.

After dinner, I went upstairs to think.

I thought.

And thought.

And I came to a conclusion:

I would ask the Twins or Ange and Licia if Oliver showed signs that he really liked me, or had told them anything. Haha, that's it.

I just solved the world's biggest problem. Leave it to me. I'm rambling, aren't I? You know, I always ramble when I'm nervous/excited or I just can't damn wait to see what happens next. You know, this one time—I'm rambling about rambling. Rambling. R-a-m-b-l-i-n-g. Like a ram, with some bling.

Haha. What a funny word.

_**10 minutes later.**_

Haha. Haha. The windowpanes are so pretty. I wonder how they did that? I looked outside and saw a team practicing at the pitch.

Oh My God.

Quidditch.

I missed practice.

Oliver will give me a punishment. Damn.

…...Eureka! (like I have just discovered another planet)

Ooooh..Katie has a clever mind. (I don't know if I smoked something but for some reason I'm thinking in third person.) Haha.

I could just smile...wink...act coy...lick my lips seductively...let's see what kind of punishment I'll have now. (Gosh, I am soooo evil. Fred and George would be proud).

Thinking of them gives me a devilish streak, so on goes my really low-cut red spaghetti strap that shows off my arms and my super short denim shorts. Eyeliner and lipgloss. Hair out of it's usual ponytail, voluminous and tousled. I'm so evil. I wonder how Oliver will react...this will be fun. I can see Ange and Licia, their eyes bugging out. So, my mind at ease, I head down to the common room to read a book and wait for Oliver so I can put on my performance.

AN: Thanks Vicky! I forgot the numbers after your name, I think it was 02950? I'm just too lazy to check. You reviewed when others didn't. So review! I even like anonymous ones. And I have yet to get a review for my other story. Basically, if you like this one, you'll like "My Lucky Boxers". Come on. Please?

P.S. I know I make Katie sound like some sort of slut, but trust me, she isn't. She's just trying to weasel her way out of punishment, just teasing Oliver a bit. No flames please! Besides, she even admitted to herself she was evil!


	3. What a Tease!

Chapter 3

Portrait door swings open. Reminds me of that muggle TV show "Moment of Truth".

In comes Oliver. There is steam coming out of his ears. For a second my resolve weakens, but I must remain strong.

I had covered myself with a blanket to surprise him. He stomps over to me, and growls, "You missed practice."

In one fluid movement, I throw my blanket off and stand up. He looks surprised. His mouth is opening and closing. And opening. And closing.

Ha! I've distracted Oliver enough to make him forget about Quidditch.

He's checking me out...huh. Time to work a little magic. (I totally caught the double meaning, this time it's not literal :D)

I saunter over to him, swinging my hips a little. I reach him, stare up at his face, and lick my lips seductively. He gulps. I circle him, appraising him like I did before Potions but this time I was acting coy, minx-like.

Sexy.

I faced him, yanked his tie down to my face like I did this morning, and whisper in a breathy voice,

"What about that punishment, Oliver?"

Sometime during this exchange I notice Ange, Licia, Fred, and George watching this with their mouths wide open. I winked at them and turned back to Oliver.

I sort of twist him around and push him back onto the seat, and then he's looking up at me, grinning like a fool on Christmas morning.

Fred and George immediately catch on to what I'm doing, and they tell Ange and Licia.

"You go girl!" Angelina yelled. Alicia still was speechless that I had been able to distract Oliver from Quidditch. Oh, and why I had dressed for a hot day at the beach when it was November.

I stare into his soft brown eyes, wow, I never noticed that before. He has a strong jawline. I straddle him on the couch and trace said jawline with my fingers. I see Oliver look at me, like he's never seen me before. His smile is warm, caring, excited.

He reaches a hand over me to pull me closer so he can probably snog my brains out, but ha! I'm done teasing him for today. I stand up, say "no more punishments, Oliver," and walk to my room coolly.

Everyone in the common room stares after me in shock.

You didn't think little ole innocent me had it in me, did you?

In the common room, after I had completely showered and was lying in bed waiting for Ange and Licia to come up, I thought about Oliver's big, brown, soulful eyes, and his caring smile. Not to mention those abs!

At that moment, I was giggling to myself, thinking about his 6-pack, when Angelina and Alicia had to come up and ruin my fantasy. They opened the door and immediately rushed to the side of my bed. "Okay, spill. Now."

"Well..." I said, dawdling a bit. I still have to think about what to say to them. "Erm...well, I was eating dinner...and it was very good. Treacle tart and kidney pie! What a meal!"

I stalled, knowing full well that that meal would probably be my last if I didn't tell what was going on.

"And then dinner ended." Alicia seemed entranced by the story. Haha, she was so blonde.

Angelina didn't seem convinced, though. "Go on,"she prodded.

"And then, um, I went upstairs to think, and um, ." I said in a rush. Better let it all out now.

"That still doesn't explain why you were seducing Oliver." Ange pointed out.

"Well...um, I thought that the only way to find out if Oliver fancied me was to tease him and see his reaction."

Well, that sure got a reaction out of him. And he let you off practice too."

"Yep," I said, smirking smugly.

Alicia gasped. "I got an idea, guys," she said excitedly, "those secret admirer letters are still coming right? Well, let's just flaunt them in his face and see what happens."

"Good idea, but..." I said.

"But? No buts! This is the best freaking idea I've had since I decided to shave my nether regions!"

We (me and Ange) stared at her in shock. Then we both turned away and said, "Too much information, Alicia."

After that interesting tidbit of information, we all went to bed, knowing too much things than the night before.

What we didn't know was that Oliver was still downstairs. Plotting with The Terrible Twins.

Heaven knows that's not a good thing.


End file.
